The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize