Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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