He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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