I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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