Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't think brook has ever known best
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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