But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize