Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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