Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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