Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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