I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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