my mouth tastes like poor choices
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
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One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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