He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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