Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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