I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize