Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize