I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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