I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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