it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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