I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize