Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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