I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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