seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize