you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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