i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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