Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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