imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize