I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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