i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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