Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize