You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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