Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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