i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize