Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize