i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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