Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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