I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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