peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize