wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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