he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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