dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize