I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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