Me too!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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