The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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