I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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