I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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