Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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