and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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