There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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