The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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