So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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